


A Private Affair

by nerav



Category: THE iDOLM@STER, THE iDOLM@STER: SideM
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-16 17:03:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16499306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerav/pseuds/nerav
Summary: Every year, Kaoru mourns alone. This year, he isn't. (Birthday Gift Fic)





	A Private Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Written for my good friend Tako's birthday!
> 
> Typically, my producer is envisioned to resemble the anime version of the character. For this fic, as a gift to a friend, the producer is envisioned as female, though the interpretation of her looks is up to the reader.

For the last few weeks, Kaoru pushed himself at 315 Productions—working long hours, sweating buckets, and singing until his voice croaked—every day, without hesitation or resistance, all for his goal in becoming a top idol. Throughout all his time, Kaoru never even considered the possibility of taking an extended vacation or personal time off. Today was the one-time exception, however.

Not because he wanted to relax, or needed a mental health day. But because it was the anniversary of his sister’s passing.

For the good majority of his day, he stayed in his household, paying respects to her shrine and smelling the incense laid for her. He was in perfect, silent solitude, refusing to budge from the shrine, as he did every other year. He couldn’t eat, drink, or do anything else; despite knowing the hazards as a doctor, he just couldn’t think of anything else but her.

There was one other place he would go to annually—the aquarium.

Upon entry, Kaoru paid his entrance fee and avoided all the other captivating sights. He headed straight to the one exhibit of his memory: the dolphins. He peered through the glass, his eyes locking with the dolphin that swam blissfully ignorant of his staring. But instead of perceiving the dolphin, as well as his sense of time and place, his mind was elsewhere—years ago, to be exact.

He clutched at his dolphin memento tightly. Even now, he could still hear her voice.

Though it had been years since his sister’s death, the memory was still fresh in his mind, as if it just happened yesterday. He remembered, right before her illness crippled her, how she would take him out to see the dolphins, and how happy and excited he was seeing them. His heart ached as he recalled her purchasing a dolphin pendant for him, as a souvenir of their quality time together.

The poignant scene quickly whip-lashed to the horror of the day after, when she coughed up blood. The series of events of her hospitalization, his frequent visits to check in on her, and her inevitable demise flooded through his mind. All he had left was his memory, and a memento of her, as well as of the last time he truly smiled.

He heard her giggling, her calling his name with such affection, her praises. He wondered when will any of those things would have meaning again.

“Sakuraba- _san_?”

Though the voice was feminine, it didn’t belong to his sister, especially with that manner of address. At last, his reverie broke, and he blinked rapidly back to reality.

“Sakuraba- _san_? What are you doing here?”

Kaoru turned to his right. His eyes widened and his heart sank upon finding the speaker.

It was the producer.

Of all people, why was _she_ here? Shouldn’t she be at the studio?

Grimacing, Kaoru turned around and marched off. He couldn't let her see him like this. He couldn't present himself as weak and vulnerable to his own boss.

“Sakuraba- _san_ , please wait!” she called out.

Kaoru pressed onward, fuming in his ears as he ignored her gentle pleas. He didn’t, and just _couldn’t_ , want to discuss his reasoning in being here with her. Nothing could be worse than letting someone poke through the fortified wall he made around himself.

Just when he thought he finally lost her among the crowds, suddenly, he felt a yank at his arm.

“What do you want?” Kaoru said, his fight-or-flight impulse almost making him snap at her.

He hated her insistence, her stubbornness to follow him. But what he hated most was himself, for treating her so coldly. She was a good woman who had been nothing but charitable to him, and yet, Kaoru put her at a very safe distance. Not just for his own sake, but for hers as well.

He was a doctor, but the one thing he could never heal was the sickness in his heart. And he couldn’t let that disease spread to others.

The producer remained unfettered, however. Her unwavering soul reflected on her serious expression. “Sakuraba- _san_ , you didn’t have to leave. I just wanted to know if—"

Kaoru clenched his teeth as he anticipated her inevitable invasive question. Already, he felt sick to his stomach just thinking of being forced to recollect on such crushing memories. He dreaded his professional sense in answering her questions irregardless of his own pain.

“—if you’d like to watch the show with me?”

Kaoru widened his eyes. All the heat flushed out in an instant. “What?” he gasped, nearly paling.

“I was also taking the day off to check the aquarium,” she explained, smiling sweetly. “Koron- _san_ was so interested in doing a show here, so I thought to take the time to brainstorm a possible live we could do. It’s just a good coincidence to see you, Sakuraba- _san_. I would find it far more enjoyable with company.”

He was too stunned to immediately reply. “W-Wha—” His voice nearly cracked, along with his confidence. “—I, I don’t understand… You’re not going to ask me why I’m here?”

Kaoru was speechless. It had all the signs of suspicious behavior: him clutching his pendant, dazing off at an aquarium—a very peculiar place for the super-serious doctor to be found—eyes almost welling in tears. There was no way someone like the producer would be oblivious to the hints.

“Of course not,” she said. “I may be your producer, but I know when to mind my own business. The only concerns I have with you will always be idol-related; your privacy will always be respected. Besides," she added with a soft laugh, "we are off-hours, after all.”

She approached him. Kaoru nearly flinched back. But instead of anything dangerous, she simply removed her scarf and wrapped it around his neck. “Here,” she murmured, fixing its appearance. “You look cold… Even if we don’t go out, it’s getting freezing. You can wear this for now, until we head back.”

Kaoru felt at the warm, fuzzy scarf. “T-Thank you,” he sputtered. He caught himself before lowering his defenses. “I-It’s not really needed, but….”

“Don’t worry about it,” she laughed. “If you truly feel the need to repay me, we could just watch the show together.”

“But… will you tell the others about it?”

She shook her head. “No. This is our private business as well. Unless Tendou- _san_ and Kashiwagi- _san_ wish to join us, it’s fine that they don’t know.”

Kaoru took a moment to process it. Unwittingly, he said, “That’s fine….”

What was he doing? Shouldn’t he be spending the day alone, grieving? He couldn’t fathom what possessed him to say that.

Maybe it was a simple repayment. Maybe he felt it would be rude to dismiss his boss’s offer. Or maybe—just maybe—there was something in his heart that moved him enough to accept a little token of happiness. Something conveyed him that he didn’t want to grieve alone for once.

He reached for her hand and grasped it, finally releasing his dolphin pendant. He smiled—the first time ever he felt like doing that, on this kind of day.

“Let’s go then,” she said, smiling warmly back.

She led him through the crowd to the outside arena. Kaoru followed after her. In his mind, he made a silent 'goodbye' to the dolphin, to his sister as well.

Perhaps one day he would tell her the truth. The more his feet walked, the more convinced he felt that it was a possibility one day. But for now, he cherished this private time, not alone for once. 

He almost felt his sister smiling back at him for it.

 

**Author's Note:**

> "nerav, did just still snuck Chris in there somehow" yes okay I did


End file.
